Added: Venecia Mulcahy - Date: 12.04.2022 08:43 - Views: 26198 - Clicks: 8049
There are few things that I feel more passionate about. Choosing the right person to love, date, or marry is one of the most important decisions we make in our life. No matter how much effort, energy, love, or compassion you invest, if the person is wrong for you — the relationship will not work. When our kids were young, this advice fit right in with brush your teeth…say thank you…choose the right person. We really started drilling this one in at an early age. As our children got older they seemed to take our instructions to heart; they brush their teeth and say thank you-but choosing the right person?
Easier said than done. Why would they not just do what we tell them to do? We watched our oldest son start dating and realized our advice was not working as we had hoped. Shocking, right? We began to understand there was more to cover, more to uncover, more to explore. So we started having long conversations as a family around how you can tell if a person is right for you. With three kids we started these conversations at an earlier age with each.
We had these discussions even when we knew a relationship would be short lived.
We needed to start with their middle school crush so that the criteria and lessons learned would be ingrained in their minds and in their hearts. Then they are not right for you. Are you embarrassed by the way they treat a waitress?
Are you embarrassed by an inappropriate joke? Are you embarrassed when they drink too much? Are you embarrassed by the way they talk about themselves or others? Then they are not the right person for you. Be honest with yourself. Trust your instincts. People say that relationships are hard work. A good relationship takes effort and energy and thoughtfulness. It needs to be a priority, but it should not be hard work. It should not be a struggle. If it is, the person is wrong for you. So many teenage relationships are breaking up and making up. There is so much drama. This is too much work.
This is not the right person for you. Their mom and dad?
Their brothers and sisters? Their grandparents? If they do not treat them with kindness and respect, they are not the right person. Family is the core of our relationships. These are the people you have known the longest and should have the deepest connection to. Of course, not all families get along and, unfortunately, some people have really difficult family situations but a person you are looking to love should not disrespect a family that emotionally supports them.
The partner you choose should feel the same way. If there is physical contact at parties or in the halls at school that makes you feel uncomfortable, get out. Respecting space and boundaries is non-negotiable. Hands down the most important part of any relationship — especially as a young person. Life is hard. Work and school can be stressful.
The person you date should bring light and laughter to your day. You cannot be everything to a person. They need to have friends, activities, interests, work, passions that do not involve you. And, remember, the same applies to you…do you have a life beyond the relationship? The person you are dating should be right for you as they are or they are not right for you.
Would you want the person you are dating to have the hidden agenda of changing you into someone you are not? It will not end well. This is never a good way to start a relationship. If it was meant to be, it would have happened. It is a bad start to what will be a bad relationship. Are they kind and attentive? Are they supportive and encouraging? Do they want what is best for you in the long term even if it may inconvenience them in the short term? This is critical. You deserve a kind and loving partner. Their actions should make you happier, healthier, more creative, more focused.
They should encourage you to excel and support you in your passions. They should bring out the best in you. These are simply guidelines. There are no steadfast rules to choosing the right person — life and love would be a lot easier if there were — but these questions are a good starting point to better understanding ourselves and our relationships.
Asking these questions — before, during, and after a relationship — will help our children achieve the ultimate goal of choosing the right person. So keep asking the questions. Keep having the conversations. Keep your child thinking about who would be the right person for them. Of course, their version of the right person and ours might be different…but that is another article altogether.
Kristin Parrish is a mother of three living in Cocoa Beach, Florida. She is an almost empty nester, raising almost adults, and almost holding it all together. Long walks on the beach help. I hope you get to see her. I mean, really see her. Continue Reading. I grew up with three sisters and we lived with our single mother. When I reached the point in my life where I was ready to have kids, I wanted a boy so badly. All my…. Many years ago I was sitting on my front porch having coffee with my mom. I may have met you already, perhaps not.Looking for fun with the right woman
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